Just take life one task at a time. Don’t try to think of all the things you have to do at one time. If it helps, make a list of what you have to do and just take it one thing at a time. Check them off the list when you’re done, and that might help you feel like your accomplishing something. If I feel like I accomplished something, it’s easier to keep going.

One suggestion…eat some real food!

Mark, I’ve been locked up four times, twice in one hospital, and twice in a different hospital. One of the hospitals was a horrible experience for me, so much so that I still find it very traumatizing thinking about it two years later. It was a very short-term thing, and no one hit me or anything like that, but it was still awful. The hospital I was in before that… while I’d never say I enjoyed being there, it was at least useful for me to have a change of surroundings, which helped me change my perspective a bit. It gave me the chance to chill out, and although theoretically I could have done that on my own, in reality it wasn’t about to happen. When I was away from school for a few weeks, I was able to realize that it was not actually the end of the world if I withdrew from some courses or got less-than-stellar marks, something that seems extremely obvious, but I honestly couldn’t believe it at the time. Getting away from my regular life also helped me realize that continuing to socialize with one of my rapists on a daily basis would not magically revise history — I’d been forcing myself to hang out with him, trying to convince myself that if he was nice to me now, that meant he couldn’t have possibly raped me before. After being away from him for a few days in the hospital, I came to my senses about that and I stayed the hell away from him. No mental health professionals were of any help to me in the process of my coming to those two realizations — it was just stepping outside my “real” life that did it. I might have been able to mull these things over just as well during a nice beach vacation, but that wasn’t an option at the time.

A change of surroundings is only helpful, though, if you don’t wind up in a worse hell than you were before, which is why I did not have any useful revelations in the second hospital, apart from This place is horrible; I never want to come back here again; I feel even worse now.

This is just obvious stuff , I don’t mean to be insulting( if it reads that way) just reminding everyone who happens to read this comment section what could happen.

Wash.If you don’t wash this would indicate to a shrink you are ill, as washing indicates you want to be around other people = social. We all must be social or we are mentally ill (joke).
Food, not enough proper food, your brain will not work right, never mind your body having energy to do stuff, if your brain can’t work (you will do stupid and say stupid stuff), it will be inevitable that you will be hospitalized.

Remembering the importance of my Freedom, is a chief motivator for me. I could stay in bed all day and mope. Once I get moving I’m alright, my problem (once moving) then is staying focused on one project as I multitask/ get distracted easy. Ten things going and none finished.

When I drive my car into the driveway, I pass my mailbox. I get out of the car and walk toward the front door ignoring a task that I simply cannot handle when depressed. The postal carrier knows, and sometimes brings me the mail at the front door. When the depression I had (May or April, it’s so hazy I can’t remember) started to lift, I would get the mail before it was “box full pick mail up at post office”. It took months to get to the point where (just this last 10 days!) I drive into the driveway, get out of the car, and walk 10 feet to get the mail.

I often wonder if the postal carrier is relieved the depression is gone, or even knows why the box is always empty now. LOL

Hope you’re doing well, take care,
Stephany

I could really related to this post too. However when I read your evg to-do list:

“Heat up frozen mini-pizzas and eat them, take a shower, do two loads of laundry, write a long blog post, pack my bags for the long weekend. This doesn’t sound too hard, does it?”

even today, as i’m coming out of my worst winter depression, it still seems like a lot to me. i’m not sure i could do all that.

when i was depressed post-mania and trying to return to work, i had a lot of trouble managing to eat and everything seemed like a major task. i remember when i managed to boil water and how that was a major accomplishment. and i remember thinking, maybe if boiling water is hard for me, i’m not really ready to go back to work…

so i’m amazed too that you function so well at work. i’ve been getting better, but i wouldn’t say i’m always organized - no.

i appreciate mark’s comments also about enjoying everything now compared to being locked up. i should remember that.

i guess i too find it hard not to compare myself to others and when friends talk about what they did that morning etc. i am amazed at how much they can do and think i could never do that. possibly it takes proportionally more energy for me to function half-decently at work, so that other areas of my life (self-care) suffer as a consequence…

but i do want to thank u for this post as it’s nice to know i’m not alone in perceiving everything as ‘too difficult’, at times