Comments on: Behavioural contract

By: Jo

Jo — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 21:18:50 +0000

It’s a very sad letter, but I must admit that the “lying in an elevator” was kind of funny.

I always wear long sleeves when I cut myself, too. I’m so sorry that you had to deal with the hospitalization and that you felt so terrible that you wanted to end your life. I know how that feels and I know I’d never wish it on anyone. Aren’t our brains just the weirdest things? I wish I knew how to be “normal.”

By: luckymud

luckymud — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 23:47:44 +0000

That contract was not a well thought-out idea, huh? It has probably made other people go “underground” with their troubles, too. I’m sure they thought they were helping you, but maybe they should talk to counsellors to see if shit like that would actually work. Personally, I can’t see it working for anybody with serious troubles like ours. *shakes head* School.

By: Ruth

Ruth — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 10:06:43 +0000

Maybe I’ve seen too many stupid Hollywood movies about all the cool and crazy things about people do while living ‘on campus’, but I would’ve thought that the elevators would have regularly been chock full of drunk, stoned people gone horizontal, so why pick on someone who’s lying around on account of ‘a state of depression’?

Seriously, not only was the contract of no help to you, it may not have even been intended to minimise the disruption your behaviour may or may not have caused the ‘community’. These contracts tend to get used, incredibly inappropriately, as ‘risk assessment tools’ - if you refuse to sign, that’s taken as a reason to regard you as ‘high risk’, even if you’ve only refused to sign because you think the whole idea is insulting and/or plain stupid. And if you do sign, they think that means (a) you’re ‘low risk’ and (b) if you do happen to break the contract anyway, they’re not legally liable - which, as it turns out, is nonsense.

I don’t know how much damage you were doing to yourself with razor blades at the time, but when I was asked to sign a similar contract while in hospital as a teenager, the hypocrisy of it really gave me the shits. I used to cut myself with broken glass, resulting in very superficial wounds, whenever I felt overwhelmed by particular feelings or memories. The contract said that I should talk to the nurses whenever I felt like doing it - but did the nurses have the time, or more to the point, the inclination to listen? Often they were overtly skeptical about what I had to say, which only compounded my distress. So I thought, why don’t they recognise that I’m doing both them and myself a favour by locking myself in the bathroom and making a few cat scratches on my arm, in the absence of more sophisticated coping strategies, on my part and on theirs?

Anyway, I ignored the contract and eventually they caught me doing it again. Only cat scratches as usual, but buttons were pushed, alarms went off, and several people came running in with all sorts of medical paraphernalia as if I’d accidentally amputated a limb. Not sure what point I’m trying to make here - perhaps just that people overreact to the whole idea of cutting relative to the actual damage it does.

By: Polly

Polly — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 17:09:05 +0000

I think the “lying in the elevator” part was why I really didn’t want my parents to see it. It was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever done. It’s easy to see why they didn’t want anyone lying in the elevator, but the “or other common areas” bit was really asinine on their part. When I showed the contract to a friend of mine, she said, “I lie on the couch in the common room in a state of depression all the time. If people really weren’t allowed to do that, they’d have to kick every single person out of residence.”

Ruth, I wasn’t doing serious damage to myself with razor blades at the time. I didn’t do anything that even required stitches. I’ve got noticeable permanent upper arm scars from that time period, but that’s only because it’s fleshier up there and it scars more easily. I don’t have any noticeable permanent wrist/forearm scars from that time period.

Jo, when I’m stable, like I am now, the idea of killing myself seems bizarre and I can’t relate to feeling that way at all. When I’m deeply depressed, though, I really believe that I’ve never been happy and I never will be happy, and so I think it makes perfect sense that I want to die. It’s so weird.

By: thememoryartist

thememoryartist — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 03:57:24 +0000

Thanks for bringing this to my attention Polly. This situation is rapidly getting worse for students. People will go “underground” rather than seek help for fear of being scrutinized by school authorities or kicked out altogether. It’s really sad how certain groups are using the VT tragedy to push forth their own agendas. The article I posted links to a couple of more on the topic, and that only scratches the surface. This kind of idiotic response is becoming par for the course, and I suspect it’s only going to get worse. I am glad you got through it before all this new stuff came down. It’s like living in a shark tank these days. I just changed my major to art, so I best learn how to paint pretty flowers and fuzzy little kittens real quick.

By: daisygirl

daisygirl — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:37:30 +0000

I just happened upon your site through a google search and I’m glad I did. I had an almost identical experience to yours when I was in college.
After confiding in the RA about my struggle with self-injury I was forced to sign a contract saying I would see a counselor for the remainder of the year, stop self-injurying, and refrain from any “self-medicating.” This was all done because apparently my pain was a “distraction to residence hall life.” That was a complete BS way of saying, “We need to cover our butts in case you accidentally end up killing yourself.” I wasn’t suicidal before the contract, but I was afterwards thinking about having to tell my parents if I got kicked out of school. Thankfully, I’ve been injury-free since March 18, 2006, but not because of any help I received in college. Anyways, thanks for sharing your struggle and I’m glad that things seem to be going better for you. It really is remarkable how similar our stories are from the posts I’ve read. Take care of yourself.